Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Assault weapons

A grocery store argument-turned-assault garnered a little attention in Lincoln over the weekend. I guess the story of the encounter between a leisurely banana selector and a Type-A shopper with a short fuse was a refreshing diversion from electoral politics for the media. It must have tickled a few funny bones, judging from the mid-morning phone call I received from a well-known local citizen who, without introducing himself (he has a very recognizable his voice) just said "Would you just pick a stinking banana, for God's sake!" (or words to that effect.) Adding to the event was the weapon-of-choice: a package of Whisker Lickin' kitty treats lobbed as a missile.

It got me thinking about the odd instrumentalities of assaults. There are several examples in my Wishful Thinking file, including a rather nasty injury inflicted by a can or pork and beans. So, I did a little spelunking in our Records Management System. Overall, the majority of assaults in Lincoln are committed without a weapon: hands, feet, and teeth account for about 63% of the 3,907 assaults in our city so far this year. Of the remainder, knives, swords, hatchets and other cutting instruments were used in 113 cases; clubs and blunt objects were used in 110; guns were brandished in 51, and a huge variety of other odds and ends were employed in smaller quantities.

Rocks and bricks were prominent, as were bats, pool cues, crowbars, pipes, chairs, barstools, cars, and bottles. Among the bottles, beer was the first choice by a considerable margin, but vodka, cologne, and body lotion were represented as well. I'm not sure I really want to read the incident report on that case involving lotion. There was one tossed camera, one DVD player used as a bludgeon, 3 assaults with a telephone , one candelabra, three pens, one pencil, a paper towel holder, a can of Pringle's potato (e) chips, one crossbow bolt, and my favorite: a TV remote control. Bet there's a good story behind that one.

But the best case I stumbled upon involved shoes. There have been 10 assaults with shoes this year. I'm not talking shoes in the sense of somebody kicked by a foot shod with a shoe; rather, I refer to those crimes where the shoe itself was wielded as a weapon. My favorite shoe assault so far in 2008 is case A8-009956, as assault occurring at a Bible study, in which a pair of shoes were launched across the room at the victim. The assailant was cited and released to the pastor. I think there would be several scriptures that could be applied to these circumstances.

18 comments:

172 said...

Someone probably told the person responsible that when you are in a church, and you feel troubled, you should "bare your sole".

Anonymous said...

Here are a couple of incidents that didn't get much media play. I have a hunch that the same suspect may be involved in both incidents!

SE B 104 PROPERTY DAMAGE 0844 11-02-2008 4600 BLOCK VAN DORN ST A8-110098
DEER JUMPED THROUGH PLATE GLASS WINDOW, EXITED SAME AFTER WANDERING IN

SE B 180 ANIMAL, OTHER 0908 11-02-2008 6900 BLOCK LA SALLE ST A8-110102
DEER SMASHED THROUGH DOUBLE PANE GLASS WINDOW & FLED

I live in RD 105, so I was going to set up a blind in the backyard and try to apprehend this scoundrel myself if he returned to the scene of the first crime, but I didn't want to risk being cited for 9.36.010, plus I didn't have a tag from G&P.

Murph said...

In Arab culture striking someone with a pair of shoes constitutes a significant insult on top of the physical assault.

Anonymous said...

Yes, my co-workers and I enjoyed many laughs about the violence in the banana aisle. The jokes are endless.

Anonymous said...

John 8:7

"He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her."

...or shoe, if it fits.

JIM J said...

I would like to buy some of those banana things. What store sells the hollow point?

x 804 said...

In regards to the candelabra assault, I believe that was cleared by the arrest of Colonel Mustard in the library.

Tom Casady said...

x804

That took a little longer than I expected, bg.

tc

Anonymous said...

The banana slug is more than just an obscure mascot.

JoeMerchant24 said...

Were they high-capacity shoes?

Oh, won't someone pass common-sense legislation to keep high capacity, semi-automatic shoes out of the hands of criminals?

Think of the children!

Tom Casady said...

joemerchant24-

Sadly, the description of the footware is somewhat lacking on the Incident Report. Maybe they were high-capacity shoes in urban camo.

:)

Anonymous said...

Is any shoe with a heel over 3.5" considered a deadly weapon, or is the law mute on that point? Personally, I think that one of those wooden clogs would be almost lethal, if someone decided to "go Dutch" on a person, and Koufaxed a clog at their head.

Lorimor said...

A "cool cue"? I thought those things were outlawed by the Geneva Convention! :)

Tom Casady said...

lorimor-

Thanks for the typo. I knew you couldn't resist that blog post title.

ARRRRG!!!! said...

There's nothing better than a good pair of boots.

Lorimor said...

Actually Chief, a better title for this one would be "Assault Weapon." Everybody knows that in the final analysis, it's the human mind that's the REAL weapon. What lies in the hand is simply an extension of that mind.

As Col. Cooper so aptly put it, "Guns are neither good nor evil. They can only serve to amplify the good or the evil in the man."

Anonymous said...

Indeed, almost anything can be used as a deadly weapon. Even a humble coat hanger. He murdered a mentally ill man for money, and please note how little money that was. Wave bye-bye to Mr. Taylor - he's scheduled for the needle on Nov. 6th.

Anonymous said...

nnnnnn