Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Packers v. Lions

Running a little behind this year, but in keeping with my holiday tradition, here’s a few one-liners from the blotter on Thanksgiving Day:

SOMEONE DOING BURNOUTS ON ORANGE HARLEY.
HUGE FIGHT IN THE PARKING LOT
DRANK TOO MUCH UNK HOW MANY STEPS SHE FELL DOWN
W/M BLACK TRENCHCOAT SINGING
DAD IS HURTING MOM
VICIOUS PREDATOR OUTSIDE IN THE ALLEY
UNK AMOUNT OF PEOPLE ARE ABOUT TO FIGHT SAID THEY HAVE KNIVES
JUMPING AROUND AND HORSING AROUND
PIANO TAKEN OFF PORCH - COMP HAS POSS SUSP INFO
PR CONCEALED RUM IN PANTS/LEFT W/O PAYING
SISTER GRABBED SISTER BY THROAT
HUSBAND SLAPPED HAND AWAY FROM TV
ESTRANGED HUSBAND PUSHED V IN FACE/HEADBUTTED HER
UNK PR TOOK VICTIMS PIANO FROM PORCH
UNK PR TOOK WASHING MACHINE FROM VICTIMS PORCH
V RCVD TXT MSGS FRM UNK INDIV REGARDING HER AGE

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

How about drug-dealers being ripped off in the wee hours of the morning, and then being somewhat uncooperative about describing the robbers?

Oh, yeah, that's right, this was probably a "random" HIR, because that's the part of town where the average apartment dweller has enough cash to sink a ship.

Anonymous said...

First, how many people have pianos on their porch!? No doubt where their couches used to sit. Second, how many people does it take to steal a piano?

Undoubtedly a new gang known as "The Yannis". Chief...er...Director, I'm very disappointed in the police response to this disturbing trend. The LPD needs to lay off the recreational pot smokers and go after this "real" crime! #SarcasmFont

Anonymous said...

Like your men have nothing better to do than take calls for some of this stuff!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 10:26 AM--AND WOMEN.

Steve said...

6:34

I find it odd, that in this day age of political correctness, we still use race, color, and gender in describing the perpetrators of crimes. That's just wrong.

8:08

The pianos were probably on the porch to balance the weight of the washing machines on the other side. Also, I agree that the police should be mapping these piano thefts to see if there is a trend.

10:26

I was going to chastise you for being sexist, but 2:47 beat me to it.

Anonymous said...

Why is it every year when I read this summation, I start singing "Happy Holidays...." to myself?

Anonymous said...

Director-I am thankful every year that I have a family that is thankful on Thanksgiving.

Pretty boring around here apparently.

Hope you and yours had a nice holiday.

256

Anonymous said...

Steve, I think of myself as being overly PC and I see nothing wrong with describing perps and/or victims with race, gender, size, coloring, etc. How else would one refer to those involved? Person X, Y and Z? I just don't see that there is anything wrong with that. Maybe you can enlighten me.

Steve said...

6:09

It was (apparently) thickly veiled sarcasm.