...pants on fire

Police officers quickly develop a knack for recognizing the truth from prevarication. But some people are such bad liars that you just have to chuckle. I noticed three of these early this morning as I was perusing the overnight reports.

The first report was by Officer Jason Wesch, who at 3:17 a.m. was investigating a report of a stolen car. The reporting person claimed that he had left the car parked at a residence, and when he got back to where he had left it, the car was gone. He described the evenings events: He said he had gotten a ride downtown with another guy to have a few adult beverages, that after having a bit too much to drink at the bar he gave his car keys to his buddy to drive him home, and the buddy had made off with the vehicle after depositing him. Apparently he forgot that he had already told us he had left his car elsewhere and gotten a ride downtown.

Case number two was at about 11:38 p.m., when Officer Jim Quandt pulled a car over for a minor traffic violation. The driver was in Jim’s patrol car for a little assessment, when Officer Quandt asked him about the passenger. Our subject said that her name was Jessica, and that he had been dating her for about a month. He didn’t know her last name (a clue). When the officer contacted Jessica, she said they had been dating for about three years. She picked out the last name of “Smith.” She had no ID with her, but claimed to have a Missouri license. A quick computer check nixed that. She couldn’t remember her mom and dad’s names. Turns out Heather (her real name) had an arrest warrant she was trying to evade.

The final case was at about 10:07 p.m., when Officer Travis Ocken encountered a man who was suspected in an indecent exposure. The suspect said his name was Antonia Paul Watkins. Officer Ocken describes the conversation in his report:

“When asked for his name, Rodney first stated that it was 'Antonio.’ Rodney consistently stated that his middle name was 'Paul' and his last name was 'Watkins.' When asked to spell his name, Rodney first began to state 'A-n-t-o-r...' before stating 'A-t-o-n...' Rodney stated that he did not know how to spell 'Watkins.' As Rodney's lies were becoming tangled, he claimed that he could not spell his name as he was bad at spelling.”

Note: when lying to police, remember to keep the story straight, choose a last name other than Smith, come up with June and Ward on short notice, and be prepared to spell your own name.